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[inagutterson]

{sending crystal | notes & letters | personal visits}

Note: I work Mon-Fri and I'm basically away 11 hours a day but I do tags in gdocs and I try to do a round a night. Timezone is GMT.

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[inagutterson]

Well one of you can't set the other on fire without getting kindling or making it obvious.

[Amalia come back, he misses you and Nasir fighting over stupid things.

Does he wear more fabric than you because I tried measuring but he cares. I think. He said a lot of words that sounded like caring. [That sounds like it's it. That almost is it. Heart in his mouth (why isn't it being charged rent, swinging between there and the pit of his stomach these days) he carries in since she's in Nevarra and not here where it'd be at most the work oh less than a day to find him.] For a while there, didn't know if you'd be happy again. Last time I saw someone like that I thought they were goin' to die. If he stops you from that then-- I just want people to be happy.

[A little thing to say but it's not. It's the heart of a mountain to admit that somehow.]

[elegiaque]

I've never learned the trick of it.

( Happiness, she means, her voice so quiet and wearier with the thought-

She knows what he means, too, the time he never asked her questions about, the grief that burned through her like she was kindling, burned out everything but that grief and left her bereft in its wake, a puzzle box closed around nothing. He was there, when being there was all she needed, and he has the right to say things to her others do not. )

No one ever showed me.

( Did the Comte look happy, sighting down the end of a crossbow? Probably not. He looks happy, sometimes, but it's a trick of the light and if you look him right in the eyes at the wrong moment you can see it; the shadow there that he has always lived with, that follows his daughter still. )

He's so determined to. And I look at him, and I think I could.

[inagutterson]

I think it's like coin tricks, you can get good at it but then you know how it's done and it's just not the same. You see through it. Loses the shine.

[That's not what she's talking to him for, and she wasn't meant to know that, that's been the saving grace of pretty much everyone being in his favourite place in Thedas without him right now.]

Or it slips right through your fingers, rolls off down the street into a gutter or behind the furniture, d'you want to go clawing it out? That's hard y'know?

[Asher was big. And loud. And full of life but there was something in him that wasn't-- he looks at Aura when he's last seen her, Aura who's closest to Asher of anyone still living and she's fairly big, and full of life, not loud but they have the same eyes until you go looking in and her eyes aren't elsewhere half the time.

Yngvi has a mirror for practice. You can get good at it. What people need to see or want to see. No one wants a miserable dwarf unless he's respectable and they owe him coin, his father of all the fathers would say to him with one big heavy hand pressing him down, down, down. Einar looked happy enough. He thinks. Yngvi doesn't look like Einar though.]

Maybe that's what it is then, reaching for a thing and there's someone there so you don't fall flat.

[elegiaque]

I think that that might be so. I think that what love is, it's taking every terrible part of yourself - every weak thing, every soft place - and fashioning of it a knife, and handing it to someone and saying: you won't hurt me, will you?

They often do. But I don't think he will.

( A little laugh; )

I've never planned for either.

[inagutterson]

[That--

Well that's quite frankly rude and uncalled for, strikes right into soft, raw places that Yngvi wasn't expecting to be struck (which fair enough is her getting a message across to him pretty damn effectively right there since he loves her, and she can say that to him, and she doesn't know yet what's been going on with him or why he's kept his mouth shut so much) so he coughs after an intake of breath.

Holds the sending crystal tight enough it hurts.]

You don't get to plan for a lot of things though, even when you do I mean look how much goes tits up. [Orzammar. All of tha went wrong it wasn't meant to go that way, and he doesn't-- he can't.] I'll tidy up behind me for when you're coming back then.

[elegiaque]

( quiet, warm, decisive: )

I've missed you.

[inagutterson]

[After everything of late, he's smiling.]

You too. I'll tell you when you're back, I had things to sort. Nick me some corpse perfume and I'll tell you all about it.